유진닷컴 : 기억

기억

[다이어리] 2003/06/09

아주 먼 옛날...
아빠도 살아계시고, 할머니도 살아계시고, 지금은 뿔뿔히 흩어진 우리 가족 모두가 한 방에서 잤고...그 방에 집에서 하나 뿐인 텔레비전이 놓여 있어 식구들끼리 무얼 볼까 아웅다웅했던 시절...

유진이는 국민학생이었다.
난 일요일 밤마다 KBS에서 해 주는 명화극장이 보고 싶어서 애를 태웠다.
하지만 왠지 모두들 자는데 혼자서 '러브 스토리'같은 영화를 보는 게 너무도 쑥이 스러워...보고 싶은 마음을 꾹꾹 누르고 자는데 아쉬움이 이만저만이 아니었다. 그래서 나중에는 일찍 자라고 잔소리하는 엄마가 먼저 잠들기를 기다려 몰래 몰래 TV를 켜곤 했다. 그렇게 본 영화가 러브 스토리니 엘리펀트 맨이니 스팅이니 하는 것들.

그런데 어느 날 밤.
가족이 모두 명화극장를 보기 시작했다. 그런데 중간에 할머니 엄마 아빠 동생들은 모두 잠이 들고, 어쩌다가 유진이만 혼자서 그 영화를 끝까지 보게 되었다.

그리고 유진이는 그 영화를 보면서 태어나서 정말 생전 처음으로 많은 눈물을 흘렸다.
옆에서 자고 있던 아빠가 깰까봐 소리도 못내고 흡흡거리며 끝도 없는 눈물을 흘렸다.
엄마가 기억 못해 혼자서 라면 끓여 먹던 생일 날도, 아빠한테 맞고 깨할딱 뱃겨서 내쫓겼던 날도 그렇게 많이 울지는 않았는데...영화 속에서 그 남자가 벽을 타고 기어올라가던 모습에 국민학생 유진이는 그렇게 울었다. 처음 느낀 사랑의 원시성에 그렇게 원시적으로 반응했던 것이다.

그 영화가 바로 노틀담의 꼽추다.
그 남자가 바로 콰지모도다. -_-;;

20년이 다 되어 가는 오늘, 바로 명화극장에서 그 영화를 다시 보았다.
역시 채널 돌리기 놀이 하다..
비디오가게에서 '질투는 나의 힘'을 빌려왔는데, 갑자가 그 어린 날의 추억에 화아악 사로잡힌 유진이는 간신히 빼온 따끈따끈한 비디오 신프로는 제쳐두고 그 옛날 옛적 고리짝 영화에서 눈을 떼지 못한다.
그런데.

꼽추 분장의 안소니 퀸은 정말 너무 리얼하고, 리얼하다 못해 좀 전에 먹은 저녁밥이 소화가 안 될 정도로 징글벨이다. 안소니 퀸의 하체는 상당히 가늘어서 콰지모도의 기묘한 실루엣을 잘(?) 살린다. 에스메랄라를 보며 "우워워워~~ 이뻐~~ 이뻐~~우워워워" 게다가 그 사랑의 표현이란 너무도 부담스럽기 짝이 없다. 에스메랄다가 꽃을 보며 기뻐하자, 위험한 성벽타기를 마다않고 교회의 온갖 꽃을 다 꺾어다 준다. 나중에는 애 키만한 꽃을 한 아름 가져다 준다. 부담부담 이런 거 싫어 잉잉 -_-;;;;;

그 어린 날 나를 그토록 눈물 흘리게 만들었던 그것이 지금은 부담으로만 다가오니...여과장치를 마련하지 않고 스트레이트하게 표현한 영화를 탓해야 할지 저런 사랑을 부담으로밖에 받아들일 수 없는 나를 탓해야 할지.

애써 그 옛날의 감동을 다시 찾아보려 했으나, 감동아 너는 대체 어데로 갔느뇨...

오히려 지금 내 마음을 아프게 하는 것은 꼽추의 안타까운 사랑이 아니라 그 때 눈물에 젖어 흘끔흘끔 눈치를 보며 내려다 보았던 아빠의 잠든 얼굴이다.

아아...

어떻게 그렇게 살 수 있었을까.
모두가 한 방에 모여서....같이 밥을 먹고....같이 TV를 보고...같이 자고....자기 전에 발가락 싸움 한 판을 벌이며...지금으로선 상상조차 할 수 없어.

하지만 그랬기 때문에
난 아빠의 잠든 얼굴을 추억으로 가질 수 있게 되었다.
그 무엇과도 바꿀 수 없는.

Posted by youzin | TrackBack

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난 '파이란'보다가 잠들었는데...ㅡㅡ;

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